Heart Which Loves So Much
As the image that greets you when you visit my website, and as the first image I created that made me realize that my talent actually affects people, I saw it fitting to give a brief explanation for how it came about.
Picture this: you’re a sophomore in college struggling with loneliness and a non-clinical form of OCD manifesting in a subtype called religious scrupulosity. It’s the second semester, which means it’s the dead of winter in Hillsdale, MI, and that seasonal depression is hitting hard. It’s also the year after the COVID shutdown, which means your freshman year of college was cut short and the convenience friendships you made in your first dorm haven’t lasted. You’re a devout Catholic trying to find meaningful friendships, but really all you feel most of the time is very alone.
This was me.
Despite the hardships, this was perhaps the most fragrant time of my life, spiritually. It was a time that Our Lord showered many consolations upon me. He was my only true companion then, so it’s no wonder this image was a result of that time.
One night, I was alone in my dorm room, praying. I have a strong devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and while I don’t remember the particulars, I ended up on Google trying to find a good image of the Sacred Heart to aid my prayer. Nothing I saw spoke to me, satisfied me, or expressed the intimate relationship I had found in Jesus.
So, I took up my sketchbook and began to draw. If there’s not an image already that I like, I’ll create my own.
This image came out immediately, and it was clear that God was guiding my pencil. As I saw it come to being on the page, I began to cry. The act of drawing and the act of praying became one, and in my spiritual sight, Jesus stood before me, just as He is in this image. His robes were like a thin white veil draped about Him, and a deep red cloak was around His shoulders. The light that shone on Him was the love of the Father, and His chest was bared in utter vulnerability. I saw, in a sense, the world scorning Him, taking advantage of this vulnerability, and abusing Him. Yet He stood there all the same, head slightly bowed in sorrow, lovingly baring His Heart for anyone who needs it.
When the image was drawn and I had entered into deep contemplation and conversation with Jesus as He is in this image, I took a picture of it and sent it to my parents. The next day I showed it to a few friends. Everyone who saw it immediately began to cry.
Day after day, this image continually brought me into deep communion with God. When I had finally gotten the hint that it was meant to be shared, God provided the means to have it made into a prayer card. For the title, I chose Christ’s own words to St. Margaret Mary,
“Behold this Heart which loves so much, yet is so little loved.”
These words, I believe, are this image. I’m tired of the plastic Jesus images, dramatically pointing to His Heart that is often hidden behind his clothes. Give me the Jesus that openly bares His chest, knowing well that many will harm Him—that I may harm Him—because He just loves me that much. That is the Jesus I know.
I truly believe that Jesus gave me this image, and I believe it is therefore my duty to share it with the world. May it aid you in your prayer, and bring you closer to His Heart, which burns with love for you.
